Addictions

This is a very difficult issue for me. I have been an addict to heroin for years, and now I am finally out I can only wonder how I ever did get involved to such an extent that I did not care if I did die or not.

I am writing this not for me really, but because I see it happening around me, with different abuse, still I see addiction to any substance as a way of dealing with problems, or better as a way of not dealing with them.

The person I love is turning out to be an alcoholic. Of course he does not really accept the situation he is in, but he is. I feel so powerless. My love for him is not enough for him to cut it out. For experience I know he have to admit why he look for alcohol when his mind get depressed and need to stop thinking about his problems. I know it is much more complicated than those few words.

He knows why he feel depressed, he knows why he feel he can't be happy. But I know that he can change his state of mind if he simply accept the truths of his life. He can't change what happened in his past, he can't change who he is, but he can change how he feels about it. At the moment the guilt is consuming his soul. He have no real faults, he knows it, when he get drunk he always say that he have done anything wrong. And it is true. He hasn't. Only he can't accept it.

Good thing is that he is starting to realize that he can't keep carrying on like this, as he is ruining his life, and now he sees that he is hurting me and his family. He knows we all love him and we care for him. I love and care for him. And I don't know what to do. I can love him, be there for him, try to keep him safe. But he need real help, and he have to ask for it.

For now he understand it is a problem, that is a start. I'll try to help him stop the routine and habit. He is now at a point where he drink simply out of habit, like I was taking drugs because I did not know better. It just come to a point where one feed his addiction just because it must, just to feel "better". The loop never break. The habit simply run life. No space to think what one is doing. The body and the mind demand the abuse and blindly one give in.

For me I got to a point where I saw what my life had became. An endless out of mind state, with no periods of clarity. No chance to see through the fog.
It took some doing to get help. But it can be done. The main thing is stop using. Everything come clearer in a short time. When finally I saw through, I started to understand and slowly I am making sense of my life.

He is now at the crossroad. He knows what he have to do. I was alone, it was difficult and drugs are much harder, as the body scream for relief. Thank God for Methadone.
Alcohol I think is different. He should feel better straight away, as soon as his mind clears up. His body will be fine. And I am here to support him, he is not alone as I was. He just have to find the strenght to say no to the urge. And I am here. I love him and he loves me. Everything else will come togheter. He can talk about his guilt as I do with my counsellor, or he can talk with me. But he have to let it out or addiction and guilt will keep following him.