Roots

A friend of mine send me a link of the city where he live, and it got me thinking. I have no roots.
I am completely without a place that I can call home. I mean I have been here in Brighton for seven years, lived in the same flat for almost three, and I like it very much, but unless I got involved in some group or I pursue some hobby or interest, I could be everywhere.

It is worrying that I always felt this way. I have moved a lot, I still remember how pissed I was with my bags in train stations, it really felt shit having to drag two or three bags full of my life. I took the conscious decision never to get a fig about stuff, just in case I had to move. I have no history, no photos of when I was a kid, no mementos even of later life, only because it was a struggle to keep them. I had no safe house were to put the important things in my life.

Now I have the prospect of a move to Greece for the summer season, I did not get the intervirw yet, so it is very early days, but my head is already in overdrive. I have to consider making this city my hometown. I guess I am thinking already too much.

My point is that I came to Brighton because it is a tourist spot, and with my job it is a bonus. Only now, courtesy of the credit crunch, jobs are scarce. With my infinite wisdom and luck I get myself out of a job and into a trip of self discovery. I knew I needed a holiday after non stop years of struggle, but I did not expect to be so dramatic to me. Thank God, I needed it all.

Anyway, I got now the chance to go and do the summer season in Greece, and after that the chance of winter season somewhere else. Season work is a great way of making money and suck up the surroundings and activities, in Italy on the Alps I used to go walking, beautiful scenery and ( almost ) peace of mind. I did love it.

The attraction for Greece is great, I can get a fresh start, no one knows me, I can be who I am, meet new people and form relationships, specially in a big hotel resort, with lot of other people around. It could be really good for me, I am feeling much better and I just need to jump in, it is a great chance.

More than that, I have become a recluse, with no interests, apart this computer, and it is not enough anymore. I need to really get out and do something I can enjoy and unwind with.
Free water activities are a perk of the job, I would love to dive or really learn to swim, I need to tone my body and get myself in good shape. I have never been a fanatic of fitness, but I really need to re- learn how to take care of my body.

I could start here with at least a daily run on the beach, but I am bloody lazy. I had never even been to the beach here, can you believe it? It is absolutely vile and disgraceful. Me, not the beach. The beach is beautiful. I liked to feel my body when I was younger, it gave me a nice boost of confidence. I felt sexy actually. Anyway, water sports is another good reason for me to go.

My only problem with all of this is my flat, it is small but cosy, I like it and it fits me. I would be sorry to lose it. In my early seasons, in between posts I used to mother's home, it was a good compromise on not having to live 24/7 with her. I got some respite. Now if I start again I should live on the go for long periods, in some rented room, and the idea is not really appealing. After months of hard work I 'll prefer somewhere more homely.

I was thinking of keeping this, I could manage no problem, keys in my pocket, security of sort.
Or I can just get with the flow and see what happen, without parachute, I did it in the past and I always landed, somehow, on my feet. But I feel I am too old for it. I need to know where is my place. Moving life again, that is a thought. I feel fine here, I have a small safety net if something happen.

This will be probably my next big decision of this new life, see where I have to put roots. I do not mind if it is going to be here, but I would like to check if there are other places where I could really go and finish my days, happy with myself, hobbies and relationships. I like the outdoors of New Zealand, or Australia. Maybe I should look for a job over there. Why not?

My point exactly.

I promised to myself tomorrow morning I'll go running.